1 April 2021 – 4pm
I posted on my Instagram:
“My latest book “How To Gain Weight & Move Less” has been published.”
I stated that the first 10 commenters would get the book free.
I strongly believed that my April Fool’s prank was obvious! Surely it was in good fun, surely no one would want to read about moving less?
Little did I know – I got the 10 comments quickly! I was surprised! I strongly believed that we were already experts in gaining weight. Overweight is the real pandemic taking more lives than Covid yearly.
Now, either my followers are playing along with me, or there really is interest in gaining weight and moving less.
And so, I write this article, just incase. This is the least I can do.
Without further ado, if you want to gain weight and move less, follow these tips:
Eat past the point of hunger. Eat often. Upsize everything. Snack, snack, and snack. Go on a “Seefood” diet. If you see food, you eat food.
2. Eat High Calorie Dense Food
What!? Why ever eat an apple? 100 calories for that much volume and it has fiber? That makes you full! Take one spoon of peanut butter! Much better.
See the volume? A whole apple vs a table-spoon of peanut butter – Same Calories. MUCH easier to eat 6 table spoons of peanut butter than 6 apples now isn’t it?
3. Be Polite/Save Face & Always Over Order
When eating out with friends, always over order! It is the polite thing to do. More food the better right? People will look up to you when you over order, you are being very “hospitable”.
When the food cannot be finished, tell your friends that we should never waste food. Eat your friends’ food if they can’t finish it. Never waste food!
4. Never Drink Water
Why ever drink water? Water has 0 calories. Drink soft drinks, fruit juice, or at least milk instead of water! We need the calories to gain weight!
The worst thing you can do with water? Take it before meals. NEVER DO SO. Always be as thirsty as possible before meals. The thirstier you are the better, your body will mistake the thirst for hunger and you will be able to wolf down more food!
5. Eat Quickly
The faster you eat, the more you can put into your body before the feeling of fullness is registered. Take it to the extreme if you must, grind your food and drink it if possible. That way, you have to do less chewing!
6. Stock Your Fridge And Room With Tempting Food You Like!
At all times, we want to be tempted by our favorite foods. We want to eat more. So put that chocolate chip cookies right beside your work station. Fill up your fridge with Ice-Cream!
Even if you do not want to eat, seeing these foods 24/7 will eventually make you cave in. Your willpower has its limits.
7. Drink More Alcohol
Yup. This one works exceptionally well.
8. Take Transport More
Never walk to places that are just 1-2 bus/MRT stops away. What if we get in that extra steps & exercise? Not good.
9. Give Up Your Exercise Routine At The Slightest Inconvenience
Tired from work? Don’t go to the gym. Woke up and don’t feel 100%? Hit Snooze.
Raining Today? Rest in bed. Too Sunny? Take a day off.
And somehow, if it was a perfect day, and you are at the gym, never push hard. Fear overtraining! Fear it. I know you likely sit around most of the day being inactive – but fear it anyway!
10. Sleep Less / Get Stressed
The less you sleep the better. The sleepier you are, the hungrier you become and the less exercise you do. Same thing with stress, obsess about pointless things out of your control. Have zero chill. You will be one stressed out hungry monster.
And there you have it! 10 really good ways to gain weight and move less. Happy April Fool’s!
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